One Hot Night

You haven't been on the hot and heavy side of your marriage or partnership and in fact, if truth be told, it's been way too long to be considered "just a dry spell", now what do you do? Take the advice of the authors of Getting to I Do and just relax and engage the senses. Here's how it's done. Set aside 2 hours and turn off all cell phones, beepers, and other distracting electronics. Tell your mate that you will be merely enjoying each other's company. Ask the male energy prominent partner to bring finger food. The female energy prominent partner will set the mood by running and preparing a bath, turn on soft instrumental music, light candles, and gather lotions/oils. IMPORTANT instructions- no talking! First take a bath and enjoy your food then climb out and give each other a massage. At the end of the two hours separate and each take a journal and notice what came up for you.
This last bit is where you can use EFT. Here as some examples of what might come up:
"Even though I felt incredibly vulnerable,....."
"Even though I was sad that my partner seemed more interested in the food and bath than in looking into my eyes, ..."
"Even though I felt angry that he was rushing through my massage,..."

Look for the hidden messages in your irritations and complaints above. Are they reflective of bigger issues in your marriage? In my professional experience it always is! The people that say that their partner was rushed in massaging their body are the ones that say that their partners really pay them too little attention in general. The ones that say things like, "The bath was nice but I really didn't like all that silence and having my partner stare at me" are the ones that feel naked and exposed in relationship and would rather not be really seen for who they are for fear of rejection.

All of this of course can lead to more material to tap on to get the crap out of the way and re-establish intimacy, trust, and finally sexual union.

Female-Male Energy

Do you like to be on top or on the bottom? Are you the one pushing agendas in the relationship or are you the follower? Have you taken care of the finances in your household since the day you got married? All of these questions lead to the exploration of who holds the female and the male energy in a sexual partnership.

Carl Jung was the first in modern history to begin to decipher the dynamics inherent in women (anima) and men (animus) and we haven't stopped trying to get away from being pigeonholed ever since.

Many of today's relationship experts continue to base their work on the what can be called the polarity and how the different energies affect the quality of a loving partnership. David Deida says we can tell which is which by asking ourselves the provocative question I began this entry with. I actually prefer this question posed by Sandra Harmon author of Getting to I Do: would you like to be respected for your ideas or cherished for your feelings? Many modern day women would scoff at the notion of not having both but being both at all times can definitely contribute to marital discord as I have seen in my practice.

The bottom line is that it doesn't really matter who takes out the garbage and who cleans it's all in the way that you feel about it. If you take issue with the roles you are playing then change the audition for a different one. Getting beyond the fear of bringing it up, the fear of rejection if it doesn't suit the other person, the fear that you'll somehow seem powerless if you ask for what you want are all directions to take in your EFT rounds.

"ET, I feel completely unappreciated for what I contribute, I deeply and completely..."

"ET, I feel like my mother when I am the one cooking every meal day and and day out..."

"ET, I feel burdened by being the sole breadwinner, ..."

Clearing the emotional baggage that you carry into the conversations that need to be had around your feeling lack of appreciation can not only allow you to make a better case because you are emotionally neutral but you can actually change your reality.

In my EFT classes I often tell my students that my ex would drive me up the way each and every time he was late. He was time optimistic in the extreme and it drove me crazy. He was even late for our wedding! I began to tap on anger each and every time it happened and lo and behold he stopped being late after 17 years of the same behavior. You see what you expect to see and you most certainly attract what you pay attention to and are in vibrational harmony with.